So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
