It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
