Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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