Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
