Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
