He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
