i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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