I didn't shave. On purpose
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
