I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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