i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
