Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
