Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
