So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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