well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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