Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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