I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
