Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
