please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
