but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
