can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
