I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
