i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
