It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
