the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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