We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
