I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
