I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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