Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
