i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
