The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
