I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
