hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
