I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize