It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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