She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
