I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
