dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
