I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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