I'm really into asian looking animals
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
