Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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