you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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