Life is so much better after having sex.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
