Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
