my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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