think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
