someone threw a dead crab at me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
