Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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