I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
