He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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