I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
