I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
