Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
