Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
