like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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