I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
