It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
