Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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