Soap is not a condiment
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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