Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
