I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
