i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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