Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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