so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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