I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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