Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize