dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
operation harelip BJ is a go
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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