Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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