Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
