All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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