Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
