ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
