I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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