you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
