Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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