sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
