i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
