You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
