Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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