she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
