I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
