now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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