U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I am naked and annoyed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
