ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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