She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
